hmmmmm, so much for the return part in the Blog's title :)

Despite not having updated the blog since donkeys months ( years would be a tad exxagerated) there are still quite a lot of hits a day.....upon checking....it's all the recipe stuff that gets read...so I presume maybe I should put the plan of publishing THE cook book into action:)  we'll see about that......

Loads has happened since my last post sometime last year....in the meantime we've been for our last family holiday to Turkey in October and had a good time together with my best friend and the lasses...tagged the last family holiday ...coz...... Celine will start her training as an apprentice chef this year and I remember well from back when Mel did her training, that it is nigh to impossible to coordinate all the holidays to be able to go away together for just one week.......so I saved up all the spare pennies  during last year and was able to buy us a superduper week in a lovely Hotel close to Side.


Then I turned ''half ninety'' on November 8th and had a marvellous evening with my girls...celebrating with a Fondue Chinoise and i got so so so spoilt with the pressies....the best one, amongst others stuff, was a lovely silver''friendship'' ring that the lasses and their father choose for me  ....haven't taken it off since then!!

Christmas was another great affair...of course I spoilt my loved ones with a multi course affair and  for the first time ever on my ''come dine with me''  perfect dinners:) :) we didn't manage to eat the cheese course:)  Here's what we had:

Consomme with Porto and little puffpastry stars

*****

Mini Fish Pies with Rucola and Cherrytomato salad

*****

Fillet of Lamb and either Sauce Béarnaise or my Honey/Orange Sauce

Truffled Risotto

Romanesco and  variety of different coloured Carrots

*****

Cheese with Gorgonzola Mousse ( which wedidn't ate in the end)

*****

Celine's Frozen Parfait à l'Orange

Mince Pie slices

*****

Coffee and X-Mas Cookies

I was really chuffed with the menu,also coz I saved up and shopped cleverly to get a few new Crockery items such as square glass plates etc which allowed me to present the menu really nicely and much much better than before.

Whilst the lasses were away over New Year I spent it with my best male mate and we enjoyed a Raclette together followed by watching DVD and we even managed to stay awake long enough to toast to the New Year.....that's the great thing about having such a mate...you can really hang out together and chill and have a great time without the need for sparkles,showtime and what not, here there and everywhere! Andwe are best proof that actually it IS possible for people of different sex to be such good friends without anything going on !!

The new year, which I hope will prove to be a better one than the last two, has started with a mixed bag of stuff .......first Celine got really sick with a varied selection of the winter illnesses and needed high dosed antibiotics...then I got a huge bill of over 3'4oo.- chf in tax demands from the year 2010 ...... luckily I can pay it in small instalments ......but also got told at the tax office that I may excpect a similar bill of back payments for 2011 too......WOWSEE....and this coz I have to add the rent to my income declaration,thus propelling the total amount to a ridicolous height ...and also I am now stuck between a rock and a hard place ....if I find work...then this income reaches virtual heights I actually haven't got and thus results in ridicolous taxes .......if I don't find work I'll struggle paying the tax that I already have to pay,too..... hmmpppfffff!!

Well I am hopeful somehow this gordic knot will untangle itself and I'll find a way that is feasible and works for everyone!!

The really best News so far...are...that after a few nail biting months ,Céline successfully got a place as an apprentice in a well known and reputed Restaurant on the shore of the lake... we are really really really over the moon and are looking forward to her three years training as a chef:) :) I couldn't be  prouder,,,,of her..but also a teensy weensy bit of me....that despite the traumatic time we have lived through,my depressions and so ( still getting treatment and still seeing my shrink), I was able to provide  all the same the right surroundings and give her  the support to thrive like this!! And we achieved this on OUR OWN!!!

Nadine has also done well..I may have mentioned that she joined secondary level school and is also doing really well there !! By the end of this week.,we'll get the half term report, where we'll learn whether she stays on that school level or not.....tho' I am really positive about it! She doesn't know yet what she would like to train as/in after school ends ....currently she swings between ''something with animals'' ( tho' those places as apprentice are notorioulsy difficult to secure) and ''something on the computer'' graphics...design or so .....we'll see....we will have to start looking slowly but surely by summer when she'll join 8th grade at school.

So I am hopeful and looking forward of 2012 becoming a good year for us and bringing us more happy than sad moments ...and who knows what other surprises it holds in store for us!

Cheerio





Roesti and Zurich Veal.....for ''Susi'' :)

 I promised a chatfriend of mine to post this ( thought it's already uphere ....) , she is currently staying in ENGLAND ( sooo not jealous :) :) :) ) and wants to cook some of this for her hosts!

Have a nice meal!

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Traditionally Swiss October 2004

In Switzerland exist; I’m sure, as many recipes on how to make the perfect Roesti, as there are villages all around the country. This humble dish was usually served as a Breakfast on the farms along with some milky coffee. Traditionally the farmer’s wife placed a large plate with Roesti on the table and the workers spooned the potatoes off the bowl and dunked their full spoon first into a bowl of milky coffee, before eating it. With a warm and hearty breakfast like this, they were ready to face the day of hard work.

In the haute- cuisine craze in the eighties, inventive cooks lifted our humble Roesti into luculent orbit, by mixing it with such exotic ingredients as truffles, scallops, sushi and other non-Swiss ingredients. Needless to say, that a well made basic Roesti still is one of the best simple dishes to eat.

Basic Roesti recipe
1kilo/2.2lbs potatoes, boiled in their jacket, the day before
2-3tblsp. Butter (I never use oil!)
1-2medium onions cut in small wedges
1-2tblsp. Salt

Peel the potatoes and grate them through a coarse grater.
Melt the butter in a non-stick frying pan, add onions and cook until they look glassy.
Add the potatoes and the salt and mix well.

Roast it whilst tossing around in the pan for about 4-6 minutes, then form a
flat cake and let it fry on medium heat until there is a golden crust
on the bottom.
When done, place a well fitting serving plate on the pan and turn the pan upside
down but don’t let go of the plate, so that the ROESTI falls on the plate with the crust on top.

Variations of the basic recipe:
Bernese ROESTI = Add smoked streaky bacon, cut in small slices or cubes
Basilean ROESTI= Use half onions and half potatoes
Valaisian ROESTI= cover at the end of cooking with sliced tomatoes and

some Raclette cheese (or any other well melting, salty cheese) let the cheese melt, then serve with the crust on the BOTTOM!!!

Somehow one could be tempted to say, never one without the other, it seems that the Zurich Veal and Roesti are inseparable these days:-)and with the abundance of mushrooms on offer this month, the Zurich Veal is in fact the perfect accompaniment.

Zurich Veal ( Zürcher Gschnäztlets)

600gr(20oz)       Veal for stir frying or schnitzel cut in stripes
250gr(8oz).        Champignons mushrooms
2                         small onions, finely chopped
2dl(7 fl oz)         White wine
2dl(7floz)            heavy cream 35% or cream for sauces
knead to a ball 1oz./20gr white flour with 1oz/20gr. butter
salt ,pepper and a little dash of lemon juice

Dash of oil for frying

Fresh chives cut in rings

Pour a dash of oil in a frying pan and roast the meat quickly in portions until it’s done, set meat aside and keep warm. Then add the mushrooms and onions to the pan, fry for another 2-3 minutes. Douse with the white wine, and add the cream and the flour-butter ball .Let the ball dissolve in the sauce and stir well. When the sauce has started to thicken, omit the pan from the heat, put the meat back in the pan, season to taste with salt and pepper and add the dash of lemon juice. Adorn with chives.
ATTENTION!!!! Serve immediately and don’t reheat or the sauce will separate and looking flaky!

You may well swap the champignons for any other mushroom ( of the same amount) ,then it is not original Zurich veal but will still taste very good!

©sylv04

As promised ...a piccie post

Girls POWOW :) we got new neighbours in spring, and the mums as well as the kids get on like a house on fire and i am particularly pleased that the kids get on so well,despite the age gap and now my lasses spend much more time downstairs inthe garden again than they did before:) :)

My  girls helped one of the downstairs lasses to prepare this as a surprise for her mums birthday in July :)

Liza and Ben....ever watchful from the balcony what goes on around the house:)

All lasses on one pic, not an easy feat to get since Mel moved out;) i made this as a present for their paternal grandmother,and coz i like it so much had another one printed and framed for me too:)

Crikey...how time flies!!

'ello peeps! :)

My oh my ....I presume if it weren't for the recipes on here, the Blog wouldn't get any hits at all!!

So much time has passed now and so much has happened and most of that good!!

So ....where shall I start?

June was as usual a very busy month.....the last few weeks before the big summer break at school is always a little frenzied...because so much is stuffed into the last few weeks from the school...plays to attend, expositions to see, school trips or school camps to attend and so on and so forth until the first weekend of July, when on Friday they get their school year reports and then five weeks of bliss and dolce far niente are starting:)

This proud mum gladly reports that BOTH girls did really well and their grades were good! Celine managed even to get a better grade in Maths , which made me really proud...coz me and numbers...let's put it this way ...are a runing gag in my family !! :) 
But also Nadine made me grow a few inches since she is the child the Docs thought wouldn't be able to attend regular school and has proven everyone wrong and will start secondary level on 15th of August! And last but no least I am also a little bit proud of myself...despite me not being well at times , I still managed to care well for the kids and give them the support and stable surroundings they needed to achieve these wonderful results.

Thanks to my new neighbour i got a little job at the beginning of the holidays and went to help to give the school a big clean and the money I earned went straight into the ''holiday abroad'' fund, also since late May i am translating again for the Indian Foundation, this time it is about a profession really close to my heart as it is similar to what I trained in and thus the terminology and so is much easier for me to translate than if it were about  a technical profession. This money too goes to that holiday fund and whatever's left is saved to be able to buy a car....and i hope to manage that in the foreseeable future..its  more than 8 months now that we are car-less and we adapted quite well, however public transport is very expensive and despite being very glad about the help of family and friends who help us with the heavy shopping and stuff, I would love to be able to be independent again! Fingers crossed that I will be able to achieve this goal !

Sadly, the weather was AWFUL to put it midly during the summer holidays...:( NOT ONCE were we able to go to have a swim in the lake or public pool, either it raaaaiiiinnneeddd or it was too cold!  HMMPPFF!

But we had a good time anyway, the lasses went to a few sleep overs and trips with their friends and we had loads of guests staying here over night and thus we made the most of it all the same!

On really very wet days we enjoyed to snuggle up indoors and watch a DVD together or played loads of card and board games, which we all enjoy to do .

30th of July saw Celine turning 15!!!! years old........i think it is only when you have kids you realise how quick time flies at times! The same day i organised the annual BBQ with the tennants in our house and she was allowed to invite a few girlfriends to stay over,needless to say that we had a ball! And she was spoiled rotten with cash presents and thus will be able now to get a new iPod...she ''inherited'' one from Melanie but it's acting up and switching off and doing all kinds of things it shouldn't, but play music!!! Other news are, that Celine will move over to Mel's old room, wich is bigger and  ( especially handy in a few years time) has it's own door to the flat...so when she goes out , she won't wake us when returning late:) :) :) 

So we will have to go and buy a new bed and wardrobe for her...to make the transition from  a childs to teenage girls' room perfect.........

Celine also organised by herself a two weeks mandatory ( from the school) work practice in a hospital kitchen near to us, as a chef ( seems to run in the family the passion for cooking:) ) ......and who knows,maybe she'll be lucky the same as Mel was.....who got her NVQ training place later on at the same place where she did the two weeks work experience, due to her having made a good impression as well as good grades in the school report:) Fingers crossed!!

As for Nadine, like mentioned above, she'll start secondary level school and will also get a new set of  main teachers, two ladies this time, and i hope we will have a similar good understanding between us like i had throughout her whole school career with her respective teachers. She is happy to  start the new level at school , but sad at the same time as well, coz her best mates will stay on primary level and thus they will only see each other during break times.....which for an almost teenager is simply NOT ENOUGH :) :) :) i presume cell phone costs will be on the rise from 15th August onwards :) :) :)


Mel has adapted really well into her living away from home, unfortunately there is a bigger problem we need to sort with the co-habitant in the flat,but i am hopeful this will be sorted to everyone's satisfaction in the end and she has already lined up a really nice lass who'll share the flat with her afterwards! She enjoyed her freedom by travelling through Switzerland to attend several  Open Air music festivals ..........seems a bit of the Hippie Mum she grew up with has rubbed off on her and i am happy for her to do this stuff....you're only this young.......ONCE.....!!!
She pops by when she can, on her days off for a home cooked meal and a natter and I am happy about that and also about the fact that now we really get on fine,much much better than towards the end of her time here! :)

As for me ...well....i am  very very happy about certain developments i organised at the beginning of the summer and hope it will go on to be as satisfactory as it has begun, so that everyone profits in the end from it . I am still on medication and see the shrink frequently but the gaps between my visits to her practice get bigger, which i think is a good sign as well! Like I said I am working on translations and earn a little bit of money like that,but I am also having my eyes open for a proper job, which pays more than the translations........but unfortunately so far my applications for even the most ''stupid'' of jobs haven't even been worth a reply by possible employers and i think it has to do with the fact that i mention my deafness and ensuing problems in my CV ( which has been recommend to me to do so ) ...The application for help i made to teh Swiss Invalids Insurance has been scrapped as well, according to them my handicap degree is 4% !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To get help from them in regards to re-training, re-integration and job seeking help and so you would need at least 25% degree of being handicapped....( sarcasm on) and best of all  ( sarcasm off)..................this has been established by them by having me assessed in my own home with questions such as : Am i able to dress myself! Am i cooking daily  meals and if yes from scratch or with convenience food? Am i able to hoover the flat myself ? and other such questions....of course i can do all this I am just almost totally deaf,but my body works fine! But I still have a load of problems to encounter in day to day live, mostly in connection with communication with other people.....as in not being able to make phone calls anymore, as in ( despite being fluent in three lingos) having trouble to understand people in offices,shops etc...and this already minimizes the possible jobs i could to to quite a big extent!  HMMMPPFFF!! I won't give up and I am certain in the end i WILL FIND work!! So that i will be able to support the lasses and me and lead a normal ( not luxury ) life!! Fingers crossed!!!

Well that's it for now:) i will sort through photos and later on post a few new piccies of us :)

Cheerio !!!xxxx

Fooling around with all of my beautiful girls

And yet again another month has passed.....unfortunately it was not a very good one personally for me and Depression took hold ( and still does) this illness takes everything so totally out of me that I just function ( if I can)  and do the daily tasks, especially for the kids, but not much else and thus my online appearances grow scarce, FB and Blogpage don't get updated at all......for quite some time as you have seen.
BUT, it is not all bad, I also did have some good days !!!!!   And the following pictures shall be proof of that :) it's of all my lasses, the two and four pawed ones, fooling around and I am mightily proud of ALL of them and how good they have turned out and what wonderful young women they have become.......

I love them more than words can describe and nothing at all will ever make me do such a stupid thing  again as I did almost two years ago..... I'd rather shut myself away in a broom cupbard should I realise I can't fight that effing urge....you see ....if someone suffers from clinical Depression and this urge comes down on you,  to do away with yourself........it's stronger than anything you can imagine happening ,taking over you rmind and not allowing for another thought,or being open to reasoning etc !!

Luckily I have now learnt to read the signs as well as learnt, with the help of the Clinic in Bern and my lovely shrink, ways to deal with it EARLY !! And so far I have managed several times to fight back...only afterwards I am  sooooo  knackered, as it really needs a lot of strenght to do, that I am totally k.o'ed, but I succeeded and thus I am also starting to be proud of myself !!! So I finish blathering on and let you enjoy the piccies :)

 Eurovision?? Swissland's got Talent?  May I present the future Superstars Celine and Liza :) :)  yodelling away ( NOT)  :) :)

no comment......t'was taken on a walk and we  were fooling around and that's the result :)

As it happens I just snapped this today :)  Mel came ''home'' for lunch with us and to talk about Sunday's ''Programme'' ( it's Mothers Day here)  and we sat outside on the balcony  ,having a  laugh and planning our meal for Sunday.....we will prepare a 'fishy' salad and BBQ with all the trimmings a loin of beef I still had in the fridge freezer ,,,,puuuuuurreeee luxury :) ,,dessert hasn't been decided yet...but I am so so so so looking forward to  spend that special day with all my girls !!!

My eldest lass, hasn't she grown up to be  a very  beautiful young woman and mind you she was ill ( viral cold)  when I shot  this pic at her housewarming party !

Celine again..in her fave shorts and Ed Hardy t shirt ( I am not THAT fond of that designer!!)

We have had such beautiful weather here in Swissland for so many weeks , we sort of live on the balcony most of the time :) and enjoy the warmth and power of the sun!

HOLIIIIDDAAYYYYYSSSSS

Hello friends ........yup..we are looking forward to yet another two weeks of school break :) although Celine ain't too happy about it,coz  for one week she has to go to work ( it's mandatory ,ordered by the school) .Yet another stage in a kitchen, this time in a Restaurant to see the differencies between working in  the kitchen in a home for elderly people where the menu is planned way ahead  and the workload can be planned better and the way a restaurant kitchen with à la carte service functions....and then we'll see whether she is still so enthusiastic to train as a chef in about 1.5 years time,when she'll leave school and by then MUST HAVE a place to train!

Here are another few piccies for you to enjoy :)

 Last weekend we spent an ace time with our friends, the WWW's :),  we been invited for a Barbecue  at their place and again they came to pick us up since the car problem isn't solved still and they have no public transport to their village.....and then got asked sponateously to sleep over at theirs ......which we gladly accepted and had a great time. It was the first time also for Liza to sleep at someone elses place ( minus her stay at the animal pension last year) and it really went well and we returned Sunday Midday to our place with beaming smiles on our faces! Initially we planned to start the BBQ season at home too,,,but alas it was very windy and i realised i made a mistake when i bought the new BBQ grill last year......it can only be used when there is no wind at all....coz the pan for the coal isn't deep enough and we either have ashes on our food and i am particularly scared about red  hot coal  pieces flying off and possibly ignite somewhere ......so we 'grilled' indoors and stuffed our bellies this way.

 Another lovely tradition are our Sunday walks wih Liza  in the local forest, it's a good time to spend with the kids and we chat about everything and usually have a good time together fooling around and laughing a lot!!

 I rather like this really new Pic of Nadine, the decision to cut her hair shorter has been one of the best ever,that new style suits her so well ....this will most certainly get printed and framed to be hung in the family gallery :)

Celine went to visit Mel at her new Place and spent almost all the time playing and cuddling the pet rat GOA Mel now owns. She is really a very nice and charming animal,and loves to snuggle up on your shoulder etc...unfortunately ( i alrea dy knewthat from owning my rat years ago)  i m still allergic to them : ( :( and can't cuddle herlonger than a few minutes before my eyes start to water and my throat tightens :(

A Piccie Post ;)

Uh Oh.....it's almost a month since my last post ....so to make up for it this is a looonnnnggg piccie post that tells you what we have been up to over the past weeks :) 

This is another shot of Liza an Ben at another outing, Ben's 'mum' and I try to meet up once a week/fortnight for a long walk together, it'is so cute to see how well those two get on when together,despite the big difference in size and age! Just cute :)

I still have really big down and very depressive  moments and then I often sit for hours outside on the balcony watching the world go by...just like that ....and it helps me a lot to calm down again and sort of relax from the constant ''thinking spinning wheel'' in my head. The medication DOES help ,but not as much as I'd like. But since I am still considered at high risk my docs don't want to give me 'proper' medication, and I agree with them,at the moment it would be way too dangerous to have the proper meds in the house. So it also happens that I am out there at 4 a.m. coz sleeping is something I almost can't nowadays, if I manage to get 3 -4 hours kip a  night that's a lot already....and i don't sleep during the day...so I am up at times for 20 hours in a row.....and still manage to do all my chores I have to during the day....

My little egpytian elf  aka Celine :) , she was allowed to go to the local carnaval with Ben's 'mum' and her daughter and for hours she tried to put make up on to look a little bit egyptian....i think she managed just fine and she had a ball watching the night cortège in town and was driven back home at 11pm :)  soon she will want to stay out much longer since she will turn 15 in a few months time :)  

 This is a THANK YOU DINNER for a very good friend, when I went out with the kids to celebrate my godsons birthday at the beginning of this month, our friend looked after Liza and as a thank you I invited him for dinner :) and I was glad, that thanks to him I was allowed to spend the day in the kitchen I really greatly enjoyed it, this is what we had :)

 

Beetroot and Apple soup with sour cream 

Loin of pork in puffpaste with morel sauce, 6 different vegetables with home made wild garlic butter and wild rice

Dessert was panna cotta with marinated strawberries and mousse au chocolat with warm berries cooked in a kind of mulled wine,looks a bit sluggish on the plate but tasted heavenly. 

On the day I also made a plaited loaf for sunday brekkie ( züpfe) as well as mini breads for our dinner and a chocolate-orange cake for Sunday afternoon,when I celebrated with the kids the birthday of someone.

Last tuesday I finally went to visit Mel at her new lodgings where she showed me her pet rat :) like mother like daughter...about 25 years ago i used to have a rat myself, he was called Casimir Smirnoff :) and he was very fond of cherrybrandy filled chocolates :)

Oh and we also fiddled around the camera recently as I wanted a new pic of me to put on FB,ST and so on.....Celine took it and  whilst it is not the best pic of me,  I think it's one I can use online without chasing people away:)

Liza and Ben

This is Liza and her mate Ben :)

As you can see Ben is a Westie and belongs to a friend of ours,with whom I go on quite regular walks and it is always fun because those two get on like a House on Fire...it was really tricky to get them to be still long enough to take this photo:)

When we're out walking, those two can't stop playing with each other and its really funny at times to watch them ,I think we're always back with big smiles on our faces because of the dogs antics. Long may it last :) :)  

She's gone........

Last Saturday the day arrived where Mel went and spread her wings :)  in other words she moved out of her family home and in with a girlfriend in a flat in town.

I am not sad, mind you,I think it was the right time for her to take this step and of course I will miss her, but I am actually happy for her to be able to start to live on her own and fend for herself and I wish her every luck in this new adventure!!

She had a load of friends helping her to move her stuff, altough she only had ONE room here ..she filled upteen boxes and bags with all her stuff ........and the move went well without any damages!

It was a funny peculiar feeling for me when walking to the office/freezer/winecooler I saw this now empty space whereas before it was filled to the gills with her clutter ( eeerrhmmmm to keep her room in order was NOT her main trait :) :) :) :) :) :) )

So I know put the blow-up bed in there to ease the transition of the sight for ME :) and that the room doesn't look as empty , good thing is thus I also have a bed ready should I ever get guests wanting to stay over here :)

Anyone interested in coming?? :)

Miscellaneous.....and some other stuff

Before you get excited dear readers,my life is a boring as it has been as of late ....though there are a few Snippets to tell you :)

Currently we are on a mini break from school, it's called Sportwoche and lasts a week,,,traditionally this would be the time to go on a skiing holiday but with my measly funds there is no way I  could afford to offer the kids a weeks holiday in a resort :( 

But they understand and accept this fact without problem, for which I am very grateful and it also goes to show that I was able to teach them the values I cherish and hold high as well! My next goal however is to save enough money to be able to invite my girls to a restaurant for a proper meal ( no MacDo-whatever stuff ) ..it's a really long time since  last enjoyed a treat like that  ( i think it was 09 )

What use is it to be well off moneywise and owning plenty of assets when you are not happy at all with your life ?? If you ask me it's no use at all.......whereas we may be on the poor side and have just enough money to get by every month but we are happy ,because we are together and love our family-life,are surrounded by great friends with whom we meet often and find lots of comfort in it!! I know someone who hasn't got that all anymore ..and I feel very sad for his person,........

If you want your life to change for the better you have to take it all into your own hands and work hard sometimes, to achieve your goals and I did...and the good thing is once you reach a step on 'the  ladder' you set yourself you feel an immense pride and happiness about yourself to have reached it..funny sentence I  know but I am sure you get the gist of what I mean........

In remnisinence...when I look back at all I went through ,it may sounds crazy ,but I am actually very thankful that it has happened ....because it allowed me to change and change stuff of my personalty(?) that I wasn't happy with and caused problems for the family.

One thing, and you dear readers bear sort of the brunt of it, is I am much less online than I used to be.That's why this blog doesn't get updated as much and frequently as the old one did.......
In hindsight I have learnt that my endless chatting to friends all over the world online  was to  fill a big hole that I  had inside me.......through chatting I got  the appreciation and kind of love I soooo craved  from the one special person in my life but didn't get .  Or my helping ex-pats and being there for them when they needed me with information and hands on help as well.....then to get their thank you and expressed appreciation for sometimes a little thing I did for them..just made my day and made me happy! The good thing is,I have now sort of reaped what I sowed many years ago...all those people I cared for have now been there for me as well and stayed at my side and listened endlessly to my woes,never gave up on me and were like a net that kept me from falling into a bottomless void! I am soooooo thankful for that!!!

I was taken for granted for so many years,without as much as a Thank you or some gesture of love and/or appreciation for what I did and it was a big fat lot of work I fulfilled especially also for him....and I did talk to him and  ask for it, mind it was not even big stuff I wanted from him....I asked for a kiss and cuddle, to go out for a meal just the two of us, to the cinema or any such thing ...to no avail, in the end I never got it and to this day i don't know why he was not able to give that to me .......and to top it off every christmas I heard the lines....well let's not give pressies to each other :( :( that HURT so much.......during the year no nothing  neither on official holidays......just nowt, nitchevo...nada..

Now I am alone for almost two years ...but funnily enough, the need to chat has faded away...I do get so much love and appreciation from my kids,the dog......and my family and friends so that the big hole  I felt inside me has now filled up.

And I am also really proud of the lasses as well as of myself...may sound arrogant...but before the school break, the little ones brought home half term reports......Celine will stay on secondary level ( she was about to be relegated to primary,but we managed to turn the boat round...just) and Nadine will start secondary level after the summer break. This was no mean feat to achieve  under our very special circumstances and I am soo proud of them to have worked so well and I admit I take a chunk of that pride for me too,,,,coz despite suffering from depression and needing meds to get through the day, I was still able to provide them with the safe and stable surroundings they needed to achieve said goals.....well done !!!

I have discovered that there is still some strenght of the old battleaxe I once was in me and I want to start to build on that, I will never ever be the person I once was before this all happened......I think in the end I will emerge as a kind of better person as well as be strong again to take on what life throws at me!

Here's to a better future for the lasses and me!!!